“We learn humility through accepting humiliations cheerfully.” ~ Mother Teresa
What’s the worst thing that can happen to you?
If you’re like most people, it’s being publicly humiliated.
Private humiliation is bad enough. But the thought of being embarrassed, made fun of, or belittled in a public place is enough to make most of us want to curl up in a ball.
This fear may be the reason behind why some people fear public speaking more than death. It may be a driving factor behind the young teen who takes her own life after experiencing online bullying or why the businessman who lost everything would feel like his only option is to put a gun to his head.
Yes, the feeling of being publicly humiliated can have life or death consequences. But does it have to be that way? Is public humiliation really a threat to our very lives? What if the experience is made more terrible by us doing everything we can to avoid it?
What’s the worse than happen?
Try this, but only if you feel like you’re able to based on your particular circumstances.
Allow yourself to go to the worse case scenario:
You got fired from your job.
The repo guys just showed up at your house to haul away your prized car.
Your home of 30 years just burned to the ground.
Your long term partner finally decided to walk away.
An embarrassing secret just got published on social media.
A child does something incredibly stupid.
You lose your train of thought while speaking in front of a thousand people.
If you can, identify the feelings you’re experiencing. Panic. Anger. Sadness. Dread. What does it feel like to name and acknowledge the feelings? Does it feel less daunting? Less about life and death?
If not, that’s ok. Acknowledge that feeling, too.
Increasing your available options
Have you ever wondered why you have such strong negative feelings about the potential scenarios similar to the ones above?
It’s because they appear to limit our options to one or a few bad outcomes.
For instance, in your greatest moment of fear about losing your job, you may think that the only outcome is that you’ll be plunged into poverty. But what if another available option is that you’ll finally have the freedom to pursue the career of your dreams?
Enduring public disapproval may contribute to you feeling worthless for a time. But what if it also gives you the opportunity to explore the belief that you are worth more that what others say or think about you?
Having your possessions hauled away because you couldn’t make the payments may very well cause you to feel like locking yourself in a closet for the rest of your life. But what if it also allows you to reevaluate the things you value in a way that creates the possibility of greater financial health?
Increasing your emotional wealth
Do you know what makes a person rich? It’s not the amount of money they have in the bank. It’s the increase in options that having money in the bank affords.
Guess what? You don’t need to have millions in the bank to be emotionally wealthy. All you need is to develop the mindset that no matter what happens to you, you have options.
Over time this will stave off fears of humiliation, increase your courage, and make you an incredibly resilient human being.
So get over yourself and stop letting your fears of being humiliated stop you from living the life you were called to lead.
I think you’ll like who you become as a result.
Thank you, Cylon.
Glad to have you back 🙂
Hi Cylon,
Good to see you again!
One advantage of getting old is that you have experienced lots of bad stuff. It’s never pleasant but, you learn to cope better – few things can shock as much as the first time.
I can only add that, most of the troubles of the world seem to stem from fear in one guise or another. First step in conquering fear is recognizing it for what it is. So thank you!
Kindest, Zara.
I missed your posts. Yet, I am glad you took a break for yourself. My daily motto is to be kind. I try to help someone, even in a small way, every day. Being a survivor, I can identity with humiliation and shame. Sometimes the best way to help oneself heal is to help others.
Hey Cylon! Love your newest post! Like Zara, my response relates to “age” making a difference! As I’ve experienced life, I’ve come to better look at the options you speak about. I know it’s a long time ago, but I do remember what it was like to be young and so CONSUMED with protecting my fragile ego from all things embarrassing. The feeling that I most remember, is the fear of failure… being a failure… being “less than” I love your take on this, and pointing out how we DO have options… And, I agree… A great deal of everything I learned in life has come from recognizing the positive side of a negative situation. What I found is that not taking myself seriously goes a LONG way towarad abating humiliation. If I laugh at myself, others laugh WITH me and not AT me! Recognizing options releases us from dwelling on bad situations (current and past) and allows us to find the path of freedom, hope, and living for the future.
Hi Eva, couldn’t have said it better. Totally agree about not taking yourself too seriously. It’s amazing what a difference it makes when I can remember to just relax and enjoy the ride called life!