“Nothing in the world is permanent, and we’re foolish when we ask anything to last, but surely we’re still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it.”
~ W. Somerset Maugham
It all started with a strange sound.
I asked my wife “Do you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
“That sound coming from the washer.”
“Oh, I thought that was something else.”
As soon as she uttered those words, our hearts sank—our washer was breaking.
Within a couple days it stopped working completely.
For any household, a broken washer is a major inconvenience. But for us, a family of eight, it’s a major crisis.
The dirty laundry started piling up and we were running out of clean clothes.
After many attempts at fixing the washer myself, we finally caved and made a trip to the laundromat. As of this writing, we’re still troubleshooting, desperately hoping that we won’t have to call the appliance repair guy.
The Illusion of Stability
In the midst of our crisis, my wife and I were amazed at how much this got under our skins. To say the least, we were not happy campers.
But luckily we came to our senses and began putting things in perspective. It slowly dawned on us that our washer has worked almost every day for the last seven years. In our large household, there’s always a pile of laundry to be done. Eventually, we went from feeling frustrated to feeling gratitude that our washer worked so smoothly for so long.
My shift in thinking also got to thinking about something else—the illusion of stability.
When things are seemingly stable, we easily lull ourselves into thinking that things will always be this way. We don’t consciously say this, but the basic assumption gets exposed by the ways we react when things break down.
And this assumption betrays the basic truth that all things are impermanent, that all things are passing away.
Contemplating Impermanence
As an adolescent, in the prime of my youth, I once heard a priest preach “Life is a series of partings.”
For most adolescents, such a statement is virtually meaningless. But, for some reason, I immediately got it. Nothing is permanent. All things are passing away. I am passing away. This statement has obviously stuck with me over the years.
But in a world where the contemplation of impermanence is not welcome, it’s easy to forget these powerful words.
Joseph Goldstein, in his book Mindfulness writes:
“A sustained contemplation of impermanence leads to a shift in the way we experience reality. We see through the illusions of stable existence, in both what is perceived and what is perceiving. It radically reshapes our understanding of ourselves and the world.”
I now see our situation not as a crisis, but as an invitation to contemplate the impermanence of all things—our things, our feelings, our problems, our independence, our victories and failures, our very lives.
Becoming Dis-illusioned
We cling ever so tightly to the illusion of stability—even when our experiences tell us otherwise—because we’re deathly afraid of the abyss of impermanence.
But none of us, no matter how hard we try, can escape this reality.
Rather than being a source of dread, this reality is a source of freedom from the suffering caused by clinging.
Because as Goldstein rightfully points out, disillusionment is not always a bad thing.
Editorial note: Shortly before publication of this post, we were finally able to fix our washer that was broken for over a week. The entire household erupted in loud cheers and high fives.
I am trying to take deep breaths and continue to practice gratitude while things fall apart around me.
I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers.
Hello Cylon,
Thank you and how lovely that your family soon showed gratitude to your washing machine – such a faithful servant fulfilling its duties uninterrupted for so many years.
A most suitable topic as it is my birthday today and my creaking knees are certainly testament to my impermanence!
It doesn’t take much to throw us off course, does it? As you say, imagining everything is permanently there for our convenience is a false course leading us onto the rocks.
Glad you became the hero and fixed your poor machine.
So, we are all back on track, lesson learned, and grateful and that we can, as always, laugh at ourselves.
Hi Zarayna, happy belated birthday to you! My son’s birthday was the day before. Yes, it is great to feel back on track – though maintaining an attitude of non-clinging takes near heroic effort! As you say, a little humor goes a long way 🙂
Great post, thank you!
You’re most welcome Tiffany 🙂
Wow! Talk about incredible timing. I had just finished the book Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change by Pema Chodron, when your post popped into my inbox. The book is about living with the “Fundamental Ambiguity of Being Human.” (I love that line!). In other words, change, impermanence, the feeling of groundlessness, the feeling of not knowing what to do or what’s going to happen next. How these feelings are uncomfortable to us so we spend most of our energy trying to plant our feet on the ground, trying to find feelings of security and safety, and how to predict the future in an ever-changing dynamic Universe. We are hooked to our “fixed identities” – our perspectives and opinions – like clinging to the shore of a fast running river. It’s the clinging that causes the suffering and your washing machine was the perfect example. Believe it not, just after I read your article, my paper shredder that I’d only had for a month and half decided to shred itself. And of course, created a major paper jam I had to deal with. But thanks to you, and Pema, I was totally able to deal with it in a manner much different than in the past. If it had been a few months ago, there would have been a boot print on the basket of that paper shredder. Thanks again Cylon.
Lol…you’re so welcome PJ. Serendipity always delights me! I’ve read one book by Pema Chodron before but not this one – how beautifully summarized. She is so spot on. Learning to sit with the discomfort that arises out of our fundamental ambiguity is the work of a lifetime. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Wow! I really loved the post and the podcast it all made so much sense to me! Thanks for pointing out that nothing is permanent and everything eventually goes. Great work 99 🙂
I’m so glad you enjoyed the post and podcast too! Have a great weekend 🙂
You too 🙂
All is fleeting in this plane, and yet the Creator has placed eternity in our hearts, as says the teacher of Ecclesiastes, so the frustration is real. Blessedly, for those of us who are sons and daughters of Yahawah by the birthing of the Spirit, we will enter into an age of a new heaven and a new earth where we will dwell in permanent homes and eat from permanent trees and all will be well, finally. No death and no sadness will attack us again. We will finally eat of the eternal-life fruit from the Tree of Life denied us by our parents who exchanged it all for their own selfish reasons when the True Ruler of this planet and the whole universe sits in His rightful throne. ‘Til then we keep our treasures in heaven and don’t throw fits when the material world around us breaks down with its built-in impermanence. Good perspective to keep.
Amen!
I THOT I WAS ALONE IN MY CLINGING. GLAD TO HEAR OTHERS CLING TOO. LAUGH AND THE WORLD LAUGHS W/ YOU. CRY AND YOU CRY ALONE. WHO SAID THAT? I CHOOSE TO LAUGH.