Why You’re Afraid to Commit to Your Goals

“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.” ― Henry David Thoreau

You may have noticed it too.

Our collective aversion to committing to anything long-term.

Partly, it’s a result of a society that is changing at a faster pace than at any time in history. And this trend seems to be accelerating with every passing day.

If you ask the average person why they don’t commit, they may say that they’re just too busy. A more candid person may say that they’re keeping their options open.

What’s really driving our aversion to long-term commitment? Fear, pure and simple. But our fear of committing is costing us big time. Why? Because it threatens our ability to set and achieve long-term goals.

If you struggle with this, there’s a chance that you’ve stopped setting and pursuing big goals for yourself. There’s a chance that you’re a serial quitter—jumping from one project to the next and bailing on the first sign of challenge or difficulty.

If you want to break this cycle, then it’s time to face your fears head on.

Here are some of the most common fears that keep us from committing to our goals:

1. We’re afraid of missing out

Affectionately known as FOMO, fear of missing out is one of the great drivers of our aversion to commitment. We’re afraid that if we commit to one thing, we’ll miss out on better opportunities. So by keeping our options wide open, we subscribe to the illusion that we’re playing it smart or hedging our bets.

But by not intentionally choosing a path, what we’re really doing is spinning our wheels. And we end up going nowhere.

How to overcome it:
Understand that there is no escaping opportunity cost—whether you make a decision or not. If you’re holding out because of this fear, it may be time to take a leap and make a definite choice. Start training for that marathon you’ve always wanted to run. Interview for that job you’ve always wanted. Propose to the person you already know you want to spend the rest of your life with.

2. We’re afraid of accountability

In order to make good any commitment, we need accountability. But we’re afraid of accountability because it feels like we’re sacrificing our freedom. And let’s face it, we don’t like answering to others. So we fool ourselves with the idea that we can be accountable to ourselves. But this rarely works by itself.

We need trusted friends and partners who will speak truth to us when we stray from the path we set for ourselves.

How to overcome it:
The composer Igor Stravinsky once said “The more constraints one imposes, the more one frees one’s self.”

Understand that accountability is not a straight jacket, but is actually the fuel that will rocket us to achieving the things we really want. Because when you take responsibility for your actions, you’re taking ownership over your life.

3. We’re afraid to fail

I used to think I was justified in not setting big goals for myself because it felt arrogant. The real reason why I stayed away from big goals? I was afraid of failing and looking foolish to myself and others for even trying.

I’d bet that I’m hardly alone in this.

How to overcome it:
Failure is a necessary part of the journey. Without failure, there can be no success. Moreover, the biggest value in setting goals is not the achievement of the goal itself, it’s the personal growth we experience while pursuing big goals.

Focus on the gains you’ve made rather than on the gap that’s left when you fall short. And you will be inspired to make a new commitment to get you all the way next time.

4. We’re afraid of boredom

We’re hardwired to seek out novel experiences. And we get bored much more easily than we used to. Doubt this? Take away someone’s smartphone for a day and watch what happens. They’ll likely go crazy with boredom.

When we commit to doing something long-term, it likely means that you’ll need to repeat the steps over and over again in order to achieve mastery. But before we can get to mastery, there’s a messy middle consisting largely of challenges and boredom. If you’re not prepared for this stage, you’ll likely bail from the commitment at the first sign of difficulty.

How to overcome it:
No matter how exciting a new venture feels at the time, there will come a point when the novelty will wear off. Anticipate this and prepare for it.

In order to survive the messy middle, you’ll need to have a compelling enough “why” for committing to your long-term goal. This why needs to remain front and center so you can be reminded of what’s at stake if you choose to quit or what’s possible if you choose to press on.

Flex your commitment muscle

If you find yourself hesitating to commit to something, there’s a million “rational” reasons for not taking the leap.

But if you want to cut through the noise, understand that most of these reasons boil down to one thing: fear.

By learning to flex your commitment muscle, you’ll learn to face your fears head on.

You won’t back down from setting high goals for yourself. And you’ll be well on your way to achieve them.