“The only pressure I’m under is the pressure I’ve put on myself.
Mark Messier
Let’s face it.
We live in a stressful world.
Every day, we are confronted with all kinds pressures. These pressures are driven by expectations: who we should be, how we should act, what we should do for a living, how much money we should save, what we should wear, and on and on.
We tend to think that these expectations are placed on us by others. But in truth, most of these pressures are generated in our own minds and hearts. In our effort to fit in and to please, we create these expectations based on what we think others expect of us.
Whether or not another person actually places unreasonable expectations on you is irrelevant.
If you’re tired of constantly putting pressure on yourself to live up to you own high expectations, here are three steps you can take to relieve the stress:
1. Talk to yourself as you would a good friend
“What? I don’t talk to myself. Only crazy people do that.”
Wrong. We’re constantly engaging in dialogues with ourselves. This happens mostly unconsciously and the self-talk is often negative.
If you’ve fallen short of some major goal, you may say to yourself, “I’m just not smart enough.” Now imagine yourself saying these very words to someone you care about deeply? Chances are you’d never say this, even to someone you don’t like.
A trick to help with this is to talk to yourself in the second or third person. You’ll naturally use more compassionate and supportive language. For example, you can replace the previous statement with something like, “It’s ok, you did your best and you’ll have opportunities to try again.”
2. Trade your expectations for appreciation
Tony Robbins says “If you trade your expectations for appreciation, your whole life changes.”
Expectations lead to entitlement and stress. Appreciation leads to gratitude. Are you feeling pressured to be the perfect spouse, parent, or employee? Do you, in turn, place unreasonable expectations on others to meet your needs?
Instead of expecting to be the perfect spouse, appreciate your spouse.
Instead of expecting to be the perfect parent, appreciate your children.
Instead of expecting to be the perfect employee, appreciate the blessings your job affords you.
By living this way, you’ll fully understand reality that everything is a gift, freely given.
3. Understand that you’re not that special
Of course, this does not mean that you’re not unique.
You bring one of a kind gifts and talents to the world. But every other person on the planet is just as unique. We often confuse our uniqueness with the idea of being special. We can easily fall into the trap of thinking that our gifts are not only unique, but absolutely critical for survival or success.
Take a moment to reflect on these questions:
Do you believe that you have to be the one to solve everybody else’s problems?
Do you struggle with delegating to others?
Do you find yourself constantly complaining about how busy or tired you are?
Do you find it easier to give than receive?
I know exactly what it’s like to struggle with all these because I’ve been there. And I’ve found that most people who struggle with the above are seeking significance (mostly unconsciously). Putting undue pressure on yourself is not a healthy way to find significance for two reasons: a) It’s exhausting, b) You deny others the blessed opportunity to give and share their unique gifts with you and other people.
So, whenever I’m feeling like the world will spin off its axis without me, I just say to myself, “You’re just not that special.” It makes me laugh and lighten up a bit. It allows me to ask for help when I need it. And it gives me clarity about the things I can control versus the things I need to let go.
Surrender
How you relieve the pressure on yourself in a nutshell?
Surrender.
Surrender your negative self-talk, your expectations, and your drive to feel significant.
You don’t need to chase after significance because you already are.
Live into this truth so you can drop the load you’re currently carrying.
Nice article, how MUCH money we save. But every other person on the planet is just AS unique. It allows me to ask for help when “I” need it. Couple of corrections. You’re welcome.
So grateful for these corrections Siddharth! Glad you enjoyed the article despite all the typos 🙂
It’s hard to adopt this!
It sure is – but it’s so worth the effort!
Hello Cylon,
Hit the spot again!
Of course, these apply to me so thank you for your guidance.
Hopefully, I am getting better at not taking myself too seriously – I no longer burden myself with the conceit of thinking I am important and taking on unrealistic responsibilities. Possibly, by doing so, I become a bit more useful.
I do chuckle when I find myself slipping back into bad habits – but then I’m not important enough to worry excessively about it!
Lol – trust me, your sense of humor and lightheartedness are not in danger at all! Lately I’ve been thinking about the frustration I often feel when I slip back into my bad habits. I’m trying to turn my frustrations into feelings of gratitude – gratitude for noticing that I’ve slipped back to old habits and for the opportunity to get back on track. Thanks as always for your wonderful sharing 🙂
Just a quick thought. I have noticed more than once in my life that people are terribly relieved when I make a mistake, fall flat on my face, make a fool of myself by being demonstrably wrong. They are not being nasty. Quite the opposite – I think they are relieved to see that none of us are perfect and it is a common feature that we all share! When they see me fall down, they realise that it’s ok for them to be imperfect too! Have a good weekend.
Absolutely. It’s amazing how much pressure we put on ourselves so we can be like those who just seem to have it all together. But if we can pull back the curtain on any “perfect” life, we’d see just what you describe – our blessed humanness. There is no shame in that. Have a great weekend also.