How to Cultivate Friendships

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

Proverbs 17:17

As I look back on the early years of my adulthood, I recall a period marked by the struggle to cultivate meaningful friendships.

There I was, newly married, stepping into the demanding yet fulfilling world of raising a family. My life became a delicate dance between the walls of my home and the confines of my workplace, leaving little room for anything else.

In this whirlwind of new responsibilities, my college friends, once my confidantes and partners in crime, were also embarking on their own life journeys. We tried to cling to the remnants of our shared past, but as our paths diverged, maintaining those strong connections felt like trying to hold onto the last leaves of autumn before the winter set in.

Amidst this, the world was abuzz with the growing popularity of Facebook. Yet, for me, the interactions there felt static and inauthentic. As these superficial interactions proliferated, my quality of life subtly, yet perceptibly, began to diminish. My life seemed to lack the depth and color of meaningful human connection. The thought of forming new friendships felt as daunting as scaling a mountain with no map in hand.

Over time though, through a journey filled with introspection and a willingness to step outside my comfort zone, I slowly learned the art of building new bridges. If you’re seeking to do the same, here are some ideas to consider that may be helpful to you:

1. Embrace Vulnerability

The first step in this journey is to embrace vulnerability. Brené Brown, a renowned researcher on vulnerability, argues that it is the birthplace of connection.

Sharing your thoughts, fears, and dreams with others creates a bridge that invites them to walk into your world. It’s about being genuine, a rare quality today’s world of curated social media lives.

2. Cultivate Shared Interests

Find activities you love and dive into communities that share those interests.

Whether it’s a book club, a hiking group, or a pottery class, shared activities provide fertile ground for friendships to grow. These shared experiences become the soil from which the seeds of friendship can sprout.

3. Nurture Connections

In a world where “let’s catch up soon” often fades into oblivion, be the person who follows up.

Send that message, make that call, schedule that coffee date. Consistency and effort are essential ingredients to growing budding friendships.

4. Be a Listener

In a society that often values speaking over listening, be the exception. Practice active listening.

It’s not just about hearing words; it’s about understanding the emotions and thoughts behind them. Being a good listener can make you a magnet for meaningful connections.

5. Give Without Expectation

True friendships are not transactional; they are built on the joy of giving without expecting anything in return. Offer your time, your attention, and your support generously.

Trust that the other person will reciprocate in a relational and natural way that does not feel transactional. It’s in these acts of shared kindness that the strongest bonds are formed.

6. Keep Disappointment in Perspective

Not every effort at friendship will blossom, and that’s okay.

The beauty of adulthood is the wisdom to understand that rejection is not a reflection of your worth. It’s a sign that the fit wasn’t right, and the journey continues.

Every Effort Counts

As you work on building adult friendships, remember that every effort counts. Not all friendships will last, but the ones that do can offer tremendous support and joy.

Approach this process with an open mind, and you’ll find your life enriched by the presence of others who understand and share in your joys and sorrows.

Ultimately, making friends in adulthood isn’t just about meeting people; it’s about realizing how deeply connected we all are through our shared experiences and genuine human connections.